


Apart

by Syksy



Category: Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22556260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syksy/pseuds/Syksy
Summary: Growing up twice, in two different worlds and two different ways, is not easy. Especially when it comes to the one thing that does not change.
Relationships: Lucy Pevensie/Peter Pevensie
Comments: 8
Kudos: 33
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 5





	Apart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ViaLethe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViaLethe/gifts).



> A big thank you to Morbane for the beta, all remaining blunders are squarely on my own shoulders.

At first it was not so bad. Or at least so many things were strange and distressing about their return that she almost forgot to miss him. Well, naturally she could not really miss  _ him _ , as he was right there. What she did miss, when she had the time, was what they had shared, just the two of them. Being a child again, that was the big thing, the looming problem that they all faced together and conquered as best as they could. They were brave after all, and this must have been Aslan’s will.

Coming back the second time, and then the third, it was not as hard. Or perhaps one ought to rather say it was a different sort of pain that last time. She trusted in Aslan, though, and looked for him in England as she had been told to do. Sometimes she even thought he was there, invisible and comforting next to her. That feeling never lasted long; this world was too bleak and lacking in beauty or grace. Still she believed that it would get better: her purpose here would be made as clear as it had been there. He had promised, after all.

Then she was almost grown up, again, and her body was changing and she remembered, oh she did. How they had danced under the moon in honor of her blossoming womanhood. How the wine had suddenly gone to her head in a different way. How her heart had ached, so sweetly together with the aching in her body...

These sleepless nights were not wholly new. In Narnia she had sometimes lain awake as well, listening to the sea and wondering how her life would be. In the beginning her wishes had been shapeless and unnamed. Slowly she had grown more sure, both in her desires and their object too. Then there was only one thing more to keep her from her dreams. A question she needed to ask, but was afraid to. And she was never afraid!

So there had been doubt then, but never of the rightness of these feelings. She was the queen and she had Aslan on her side. She’d never even thought to consider whether it might be wrong, this longing she felt. It was so simple and so good, and she had always loved him best. This was just another aspect of that.

She still remembered her first kiss vividly. In Narnia, of course. There had not yet been one, in this world. A gap was formed between them when they returned, filled with confusion and a vague sense of guilt. They rarely even dared to hug anymore. It was not something either of them had ever even tried to speak about. Perhaps that had been silly of them. It did not feel silly, though.

She had found Peter in his sitting room, poring over some maps. They had trade negotiations to undertake and he wanted to get a sense of the possible routes. Always so dutiful, dear Peter. Lucy was quite sure everyone else had long ago gone to bed. In fact she was counting on it. This was not a conversation she wanted anyone to interrupt.

The light was low and the flickering flame of the candle cast deep shadows all around the room. It could have felt ominous, too close and forbidding. But Peter’s smile when he raised his eyes to her was instantly warm and welcoming.

”Good eve to you, sister dear,” Peter said, ”But why are you still up? Is something the matter?” There was worry in his voice and she realized that some of her trepidation must have been showing. She had meant to begin a conversation about something inconsequential first and lead into the question somewhat gracefully, but she could see that that would not do now.

So Lucy somehow stumbled through her explanation. She’d tried to rehearse it like an actual speech, but then thought better of it. That would have made the whole thing feel too formal, an affair of the state and not of the heart. And she supposed that a certain degree of ineptitude was normal in this sort of a situation. Even though removing that was precisely the object of this whole endeavour.

”Oh for Aslan’s sake, please just say if you will kiss me or not!” she burst out when he had been silent for the unbearable length of two heartbeats. She could not read his face and that was unnerving enough. She always knew what Peter was thinking. He smiled at her words, but it was a small, hesitant smile. ”He won’t, then,” she thought to herself, and felt her heart break, just a little.

Peter must have seen that sadness in her, because suddenly he was up, had crossed the floor in two strides and was holding her hands in his. ”I would never wish to cause you pain,” he said, ”but it is a great and wonderful thing you are asking, and I was taken by surprise.” That was all King Peter, kind and courteous but so very formal. When he continued, though, he was her brother, private and even, could it be said, a little bashful. ”And well... You see, I have never done it myself, either, so I might not be the best choice for a teacher.”

It was Lucy’s turn to smile. That was quite alright with her. If she thought about it, it was actually more than that. The idea of Peter kissing some other girl, a willowy dryad perhaps or a giggling mermaid, made something in her chest clench and her eyes prickle with the onset of tears.

Hesitantly Peter raised their joined hands to his lips. Kissing hands was something they both were quite used to and she appreciated the sentiment behind it. To begin with something routine and almost boring, before venturing to shores unknown. If that had truly been his intention, it did not work. This did not feel at all like those other kisses. Lucy was almost painfully aware of every inch of her skin that touched his. His breath was hot and ticklish and oh, his lips, those burned in the sweetest way imaginable.

When Peter raised his head once more she could clearly see he had felt it too. His cheeks were flushed and the look in his eyes was one she had never seen before. It burned her, the same way his lips had, the way everything seemed to just now. Lucy felt as if the whole of her body was afire but she had not the slightest wish to put out the flames. There was something that she wished for, though, and so she untangled her fingers from Peter’s and reached out her hands for him. He did not need more encouragement than that.

The kiss was everything she had imagined and so much more. There was no way she could have known how the world would fall away, how nothing mattered except the feel of his lips on hers, his hand against her cheek, the soft hair at the nape of his neck, tucked ever so gently by her wandering fingers.

It did not go any further that night. Flustered and so happy that she felt like she was floating, Lucy returned to her own chambers. On other nights though… But she rarely thought about those. In England it all felt somehow different. Like all this love was not something she was supposed to want or have. She could not undo it, truly would not ever want to, even if she could, but thinking about something it seemed she could never have just hurt too much. So she tried her best to forget and to sleep through her nights, unbothered by useless dreams. Sometimes that even worked.

In Aslan’s Country, when they finally had a moment alone, just the two of them, Lucy raised her eyes to meet those of her High King and there was a question in them. His eyes were bright and clear and a smile was waiting in their depths. Her answer, the only answer that was needed any more, was yes. And here, finally, there was no doubt, as there was no fear.


End file.
